to be lonely amidst company

The past few days my mood had been heading downwards, like a raindrop falling from the sky to its inevitable crash-landing, its inevitable disintegration at the end of its fall. I don't know, i'd never experienced this in the past. I always thought i was a carefree person, never letting anything bring me down.

Might it be the cold atmosphere everytime an exams come around the corner, when everyone seems to be keeping to themselves more and more, studying and studying?

Or might it be i'm beginning to isolate myself.. my comfort zone slowly shrinking, away from the people i know, away from friends?

Maybe i've reached that time of my life. The time when i really need someone else in my life.

Love.

So essential. So elusive.

I've never really gave it much thought before. Heck, i've never even cared before. To me, i'd always thought it'll come when it comes. Didn't they say love is like a butterfly, the more you try to catch it, the more it escapes you? Didn't they say if we sit still, it'll come fluttering into our hands?

And so i sit still, never even gave it a look, thinking if it was meant to come, it will.

And till now, i've yet to even catch a glimpse of it. Or by looking the other way all the time, i had totally missed it?

I see my friends everyday. Friends i crap with everyday. Friends i laugh with everyday. Yet i still get this feeling tugging at my heart. Loneliness.

The more i hang out with my friends, the more lonely i get. The gap in my heart is growing, threatening to take just about anyone to fill it.

I'm getting desperate. I'm gonna crash-land.