A long time ago, back in primary school.. i was always referred to as the 'genius'. I don't how it all began.. but right on from Standard2, i had always been in at least the top 4 all the time up till college. I reached my peak achievement in Standard4, when i got so many academic awards that i guess everyone was bored seeing the same little boy going up on stage each time. That was the only time i made my parents really proud of me.. i guess.
Things really changed when i entered medical school. I was so inconsistent in my exams i began to doubt if i could even pass each time. As they say, there's no genius in medicine, only hard work. I wasn't the most hardworking boy to start with. Saying i am lazy is already an overstatement.
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So my final exams are over and done with. Results were out last week.. can't say i'm satisfied with what i got. It's not like i didn't try hard.. guess i'll never try hard enough =/. I should be thankful i even passed.
A few days before my exams.. i have this feeling i shouldn't be feeling. Hopelessness. I felt as if no matter how i try, i just can't do it anymore. That whole month of doing nothing but studying.. many times i was on the verge of just giving up and not care bout the exams anymore. To just lie down and sleep and sleep and sleep. Till the exams' over, till everything's over. Still, i strode on, pushed myself, sacrificing sleep.. all this for?
a hope that just seems impossible.
When i told my Mom my results, she said
"Oh, it's gone."
My parents' were hoping i would get good results so that in case i did not succeed in changing to the fully local programme, i could at least go into the uni my bro is in. So i could share a room with him, saving money on rental for half a year at least.
Problem is, with the results i have been getting the past few papers, i MUST get an A this time to have a chance to compete with the others to get into that uni.
It's gone.
My parents' hope are gone.
I scored below the batch's average.
Sometimes i wonder if i'm even trying my best..
Mom, Dad, i'm sorry ..
.. your son can't make you proud like he used to anymore.
2 comments:
longFELLOW : u know da score. u know wat u hav to do. u know da work load is heavy. U KNOW U CAN HANDLE WATEVER COMES YR WAY. tis is life.
U just need get yr priorities RIGHT and stop proscratinating as U need to manage yr < watever little > time well.
balance yr life equally and u wont find da stress so high.
U CAN DO IT ! < contact me if u need a ear or a shoulder ...but not at da last moments ... hard to make changes then ... >
just focus on doing your best. i'm sure since they allowed u into this course, they know that you're capable of it. just produce the best results you can and the rest leave it to fate. cant change anything by feeling dispair
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