The wee hours of a Thursday morning. In the BF's room while he's snoring away into dreamland on the bed. Just love looking at him sleep. Somehow made me feel at peace inside.
Life's little pleasures are always the things we never took notice.
The sky above stays dark, save for the stars blinking their lives away. Vast world this is, filled with all sorts of people, just like the stars above.
I'm surrounded by great guys and gals, caring and funny friends they are. Yet inside, deep inside, there was none i could connect to.
Perhaps it was my own fault, keeping a safe distance between myself and them. I was being paranoid, i kept them close to my heart, but i never let them in. For how could i know how they would react to the me inside? What they won't know can't hurt me, and i hold true the words, 'ignorance is bliss'.
Yet it was exactly the reason i never felt close enough to any of my friends. I kept my distance, held my silence, and it was exactly the distance and silence that drew a line for them. A line that says, 'Beyond this line is where you should not step'.
Perhaps it was my own fault, waiting for them to make the first move. Waiting for someone to cross that imaginary line that i never drew, yet others see. Maybe i should stop waiting, and step out beyond that line myself.
But i have tried. I have tried taking a step over, and the few that saw, acted like they never did. So i just stepped back into safety, back behind that imaginary line.
I was afraid of the world beyond that line. Beyond which i'm subjected to others' scrutiny, others' judgements, others' criticisms. I felt safe behind the line. I could not say the same for the other side.
But a line is just a line. They could still see me behind it. I know they knew. Yet they pretended they could not see, pretended they never knew. I know they were just being cautious. They were afraid to step into somewhere they were not supposed to. For a line is still a line.
Perhaps one day, i shall find the courage to face the world beyond the imaginary line that i never drew.
One day, there would be no more imaginary line between.
3 comments:
As imaginary as it is, when we cross the line... the effects are real...
haiyo wat line u draw ah? draw love line ma. *doink... then things ma better lor. kekeke... draw many many wor. then u 2 paint it together. swww so der sweet... *koala drop *phengsan kekeke...
take a chance sometimes, they might just be the same and see no difference to u even if u did come out to them.Although u have to be smart and choose those that are open minded about things like this. My friend came out to me and i dont feel any difference he is still my friend, and i actually feel closer to him now.
Good Luck =)
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