The S word

I went for a 'suicide awareness' talk today.

Criteria of a possibly suicidal person:
Moody
Withdrawal from friends and family
Missing school or work
Having risky behaviour
Alcohol/Drug misuse
Feeling hopeless
Feeling alone
Desperation
Numb

You know what?

I fulfilled most of them.

I thought I'm supposed to learn to be aware of others' being suicidal, not finding out that I am one of them.

Am I really?

I'm not depressed, though I'm not happy either. In fact I realised I've been feeling numb for a while now, like nothing affects me anymore. I might have occassional morbid thoughts, but I have that all the time anyway. I don't feel like I'm going to kill myself. Maybe I did felt like I'm not coping and wanted an end to this lately, but I'm definitely NOT suicidal.

Am I scaring myself? Or am i deluding myself?

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PS - I'm fine, no worries. Just being amused :P