Hey I'm not that bad at this chatting people up business ..
Now I just have to translate it into real life.
Certainly I've been told dozens of time I am a very different person online and in real life. Which is a bad thing, because I might sound very cheeky and talkative in chats but when I meet up with someone, I become a meek and shy person.
Always have had this problem since I can remember. Way long ago I used to not able to utter more than a single word in conversations, at least now I do try to keep it going. But everytime I meet someone new, I choke on my words in my mind and my mouth wouldn't work. I hated it sometimes. My verbal capabilities fatigued very easily and after half an hour, I'd go into silent mode and my mind stop working on contributing to the conversation. Whereas online, I could chat for hours and hours on end with a complete stranger.
Is it all just in the mind? Or a leftover from my childhood that I can't shake off?
Alcohol doesn't seem to help either. It just makes me sleepy and I won't even bother to think of what to say.
Sometimes I wish if only I grew up differently, more confidently. I seemed to have made up this 'online personality' to compensate for my lack of verbal skills, like subconsciously I was trying to speak up and break free from this caged shyness. Maybe I've let it drag on for too long, that it became a totally separate persona from me in reality. I need to be who I want to be and break away from my past self, hoping it's not too late to change something as ingrained as one's personality. Then again, which is my real personality?
Ah well, try I must and try I would. Confidence is all in the mind, is it not. As long as I believe I can, I would.
Aand so here we go again. At least I made a friend, even if just online.
No comments:
Post a Comment