Just had a really long chat with someone i got to know thru axcest. Made me think bout myself.. as a PLU and as a person..
[+/-] show/hide chat log
- intro censored -
him: so are u into ons?
me: used to.. but currently dating him, and he doesn't like it
me: so i'm trying to keep away
him: ok..so nice of u..
him: willing to change jz for him...
me: well that's the least i can do rite? ^^
him: ya...i guess so..
him: so dat means u experienced sex be4??
him: sorry if too sensitive question ...
- confidential info censored =P -
him: wat kind of guy u looking for?
me: not really sure.. guess i juz wants someone who loves me ^^
him: but then with ons u can't really get love rite??
me: well, the guy i'm currently dating.. hmm he seems to love me ^^
me: but then maybe i'm wrong.. but we learn from mistakes, don't we? :P
me: no venture no gain hehe
him: hope u have found the right one lor...
him: but jz be careful la..
him: in case u get cheated..
me: yeah.. but being careful might be the last thing i'm capable of..
- more confidential info censored -
me: hmm u seeing anyone rite now?
him: nope...hoping to find some1..
him: but too bad lorr...
him: u attached oredi..:(
me: hehe sorry ^^ .. maybe u'll find someone better than me
me: i'm not a good partner actually sweat
him: doesn't matter...i don mind..
him: as long as I happy wif u can oredi..
me: sigh.. i dunno la.. sometimes i think that i don't love the other guy as much as he loves me
me: ^^"
him: well...like wat u said..try and error ma..
him: u won't know unless u giv it a try..
him: anyhow, if he not suitable for u, I still here ma..
him: waiting for u...
him: that is if u want la..
me: hehe thx for that.. but dun wait for me dude ^^
him: erm...see first la..
him: i kind of have a crush on u act...hehe
him: don laugh la..
me: haha
me: oh sorry
me: ^^
me: why wud u be interested in me?
me: i mean .. we barely chatted for an hour lol
him: don know le...I jz like the first impression u gave me..
him: ur cool look and the way we chatted..
me: first impression can deceive.. ^^
me: i'm not sure i can be a loyal partner.. u can't see that from our chat
me: ;)
him: i don mind...
me: but i try la..
me: sigh
him: if i like some1, it doesn't matter...
me: no.. can't think like that..
me: u'll get hurt..
him: i get hurt a few times oredi...
him: but it's still ok...
him: If u are the right one, I don mind..
me: man.. shudn't go with a guy who's not loyal rite?
him: i know...but i rather give it a shot rather than keep quiet and do nothing about the person i like..
him: hopefully, the guy will understand dat I really like him lor...
me: hmm all i can say is good luck to u ^^ ..
me: it's not easy to find someone who loves u as much as u love him..
me: but u'll find that someone ;)
him: thanks...hopefully la...
him: wish u all the best too wif the guy u dating..
me: hehe.. i dunno.. i'm not ready to go into a relationship yet
him: if he's good, then u r lucky to have him...
him: y not?
me: hmm i'm bi
me: i dunno if i shud get a bf and not a gf
him: oic...u llike girls too...
me: and besides, i've a crush on a girl..
me: sigh
him: so possible u may get married wif a girl 1 day??
me: yep that's very possible..
him: okok..but u like guys more or girls more...
- censored -
me: but i think in the future i'll go after a girl.. -censored-
him: so do i have a chance??
him: hehe...
me: hehe that's why i told u.. dun wait for me dude..
him: ;)
me: i may not be a loyal partner
him: haha...doesn't matter rite..
him: u juz want sex rite??
him: hehe...
me: haha
me: sex can't last forever.. i'll juz go for other guys when i get bored, won't i?
him: doesn't matter wat?
him: I don mind...
him: jz eager to spend a nite wif u...hehe
me: sorry i think i shud give up ons..
him: y?
him: bcoz of the guy u dating?
me: erm that.. and i'm becoming a doctor, shudn't i be the one being on the safe side?
me: ^^
him: ya lor..act
him: but if u practice safe sex every time..
him: it's still alright ma..
me: hmm i dunno.. ons juz makes me feel like a slut sweat
me: i'm trying to be a loyal partner..
him: but if u are wif this guy and then later on date a girl, isn't it the same?
him: still consider ons what?
me: i'll break off with that guy before i get on with the girl..
me: that is, if i can break off in the first place..
him: y can't?
me: love is unpredictable, isn't it? ^^
him: yup...but to me this is still consider ons lor...
him: i don know bout wat u think la..
me: hmm dating one person at a time.. i dun think that's ons..
me: unless u're going out with him/her juz for sex
me: that's a dif thing den
him: u r not??
him: i mean not jz for sex wif the guy?
me: no.. i'm not going for sex this time
me: tho, it really pulls me back to him.. sigh
- censored -
me: but that guy really loves me..
me: so i guess i decided to go out with him
him: doesn't matter la...if sex is wat u want,
him: u shud not avoid it jz bcoz some1 ask u to avoid it..
me: nah.. having sex too freely aint a good thing
me: i know that.. juz that sometimes it's hard to control urself, ya?
him: true..but if u say u want to be wifthe guy jz bcoz he loves u..
him: then I think u'll hurt him more...
me: i know..
him: u shud be wif him out of love..
me: but i told him we aren't lovers yet
me: we'll see how it goes first..
him: not bcoz he wants u to be his lover..
him: ya lorr..i shud not try to break ur relationship...sori..
him: can't control myself..
him: jz like u a lot..
me: nah.. sometimes it's good to hear someone else's perspective ;)
me: and sorry.. pls dun like me
me: u'll juz get hurt..
him: y?
him: bcoz u don like me?
him: or u'll never like me?
me: no.. i told u.. because i might not be able to love u as much as u love me..
me: and that'll end up with u getting hurt..
me: i dun want that.. and u dun
him: if i don mind, y shud u mind?
me: y won't u mind?
him: bcoz no matter wat u do, I like u...
him: crazily..
me: really sorry..
me: but i dun want to hurt u
him: anyway if some1 were to get hurt, it wud be me rite, not u...
him: so don worry...
me: i can't hurt someone else.. i'll feel real bad
him: maybe i won't be hurt oso...
him: u won know rite...
him: maybe i'll be jz fine...
me: .. dun fall in love with me k?
him: not so easy la...mayb puppy love...
me: yeah u'll get over it
me: i might not be the guy u want rite..
him: but can we still meet up one day?
him: I go to kl quite often u know..
me: sorry.. i dun think i shud be troubled with love.. really need to concentrate on my studies
him: ok...but i hope 1 day, u'll giv me a chance..
him: study is study..must learn to enjoy life too..
me: it's ok to hope.. but pls dun wait for me ya
me: ;)
him: u have many plu frens?
me: not really.. only a few
him: i wasn't really active in this until a few months ago
him: icic..when did u realize u r bi?
me: i thought i was gay.. since i was 13..
me: but a couple of years ago i had a crush on a girl..
me: so i think i'm bi now
him: ever confessed to the girl yet?
me: nope
me: we aren't close.. juz net friends
him: oic...don plan to confess yet?
me: not anytime soon.. maybe when we're closer?
me: but then maybe not forever.. i might find another girl
me: coz she's working in jb, and i'll be stuck in kl for the next few years
me: sigh
him: ya lor...love is unpredictable...
me: hehe guess we'll juz take one step at a time..
him: ;)
him: yup..agreed wif u..
- censored -
him: whos' ur dream man?
him: u have any?
me: hmm dun really have a particular guy..
me: but i like a few guys' looks
me: like this one ^^ -a sgboy profile-
me: but then that's juz looks..
him: ermm....good looking ah...
him: u mean u don go for looks?
me: i'll be lying if i say i'm not
me: what really matters is the personality isn't it?
him: quite true...
him: but i guess looks still is an important factor..
me: yeah, nobody don't go for looks
me: that's the sad truth
him: but u no need to worry la..
him: u look good ma...
me: haha no la ok only la.
him: sure got a lot of guys and girls will fall in love wif u one..
-censored-
me: but then that's juz looks ;)
me: looks can only get me interested in sex..
me: not ltr
him: but i tot u plan to have ltr with a girl?
me: it's unpredictable isn;t it?
me: i hope i have a ltr with a girl..
me: but if i fall in love with a guy.. there'll be a change in plans then :P
him: oic...then still got hope la for me...hehe
him: no la...i know u won't like me one..
me: hmm why say that?
me: it's really unpredictable isn't it?
me: but i do hope u dun wait for me.. promise me that ya
him: well...can't promise u...
me: u won't wait.. if u see someone u like u'll go for him rite? ;)
me: i might juz be someone passerby in the past by then
him: the prob is it's so diff to find some1 I like...
him: if I know I like u now, I rathertake my chances...
him: if not, I may regret later lor..
him: for not telling u...
me: .. well thx for telling me ^^
- a LOT of stuff censored =P -
him: oic...so tomoro u plan to go to the 2nd time house?
me: i dunno..
me: i promise that guy i'm dating i won't see that 2nd guy anymore..
him: but do u feel like going?
me: i can't control how i feel
him: then jz do it..
him: anyway ifu don tell anyone, nobody will know rite..
me: yeah.. but i'll feel cheap..
me: having sex so easily..
him: think of it as getting more experience lor...
him: then u'll enjoy sex more ma..
me: i can't.. something juz feels wrong..
him: what?
me: maybe i'm lying to the guy i'm dating
him: u afraid of cheating ur third guy?
me: yeah..
him: ok..i understand...
me: i dun think i'll go..
me: i'm already confused about myself as it is..
him: don worry...u still young...
him: it's common to feel confused a bit..
him: u'll be fine...
me: i hope so
him: if u need some1 to share ur probs, I m more than willing to listen...
me: thx =)
him: so u speak mandarin?
me: yup
him: can we still keep in touch?
me: if u want ^^
him: y not?
me: erm coz i told u not to like me.. but then i can't do anything bout that can i?
me: juz wan u to know u might be hurt..
me: if u still wanna keep in touch then sure =)
him: told u I don mind...being hurt by you...
me: nobody dun mind being hurt..
him: I onli afraid u don want to keep in touch wif me anymore..
him: I don mind...
me: i can't really promise that either.. but i'll try my best
me: i mean, i'm not someone who actively chats up a person..
him: I really don mind being hurt by the one I love...
me: it'll juz hurt more..
him: don worry...
him: u shud believe in me...
him: that I wont easily get hurt..
me: yeah.. glad to hear that..
me: juz if i hurt u, i dun really mean it, k?
me: sometimes i dunno wat i'm doing too..
him: don say dat...i will not be hurt by u
him: no matter wat u do to me...
him: bcoz i love u...
me: pls dun love me.. i might not love u back..
him i saaid donworry...
me: ok..
him: I really really don mind...
him: I'm used to liking ppl who don like me in return...
him: hehe
me: .. u like ppl very easily?
him: erm...first impression mayb lor..
him: if true love, I need to understand him more...
me: hehe.. me finds it so hard to like someone..
him: nvm...most imp is got ppllike u can oredi...
me: well, it's no use if ppl like me and i dun like them rite?
me: it'll be one-sided..
him: for me, I don mind...
him: as long as i know i like u...
me: ur love won't be returned.. why won't u mind?
him: bcoz I am happy dat there is some1 I can love lor..
him: and I can give what I can to make this person happy..
him: that makes mehappy..
me: sigh.. maybe u shud forget him and find another guy..
me: if he doesn't return ur love, why waste time on him
him: I don think it's waste time...
him: I am happy to give my love to him..
him: or in this case...u
me: ... i'm sorry
him: don feel sorry..
him: it's sth I cannot control...
me: i know..
me: that's why i'm sorry.. mayb u shudn't have known me in the first place..
him: I am happy dat I know u...
him: bcoz u gave me sth to look forward to...
him: some1 I really like...
me: dun hope too much.. ^^"
him: if i don hope, than there is no chance at all..
me: juz.. dun place too much hope on me
me: really i mean it
him: i know...i told u don worry...
me: ok.. i hope u really know what u're doing
him: haha...don worry..i m elder than u...
him: i know wat i m doing...
me: haha
me: yeah..
- end censored -
Is it worthwhile to love someone and not be loved in return? Can someone stay in a relationship because the other guy loves him, and not because he loves that person?
I realised i'm not ready to go into a relationship yet.. coz i don't know if i can love another guy as much as he loves me. And there's a problem with me being loyal to one person.. sigh. I juz dunno wat to do now.. seems like i'm gonna end up hurting everyone that i go out with..
Sorry chuan.. i really don't want to hurt u.. but it's best we take things slowly k? And.. it's hard for me to say this, but don't place too much hope on me. Sorry.
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