Matters of the heart ..

I.. i'm so confused right now.. Until a while ago i was on the path to be a slut without even realising what i was doing. Yeah a slut.. as in someone who sleeps around without care. That guy.. that i met the other day, he just contacted me and asked to meet again. He just wanna have sex. I know that.. he even told me we're going to meet for sex. Yet i almost agreed to meet him. Damn. What was i thinking..

.. was i really desperate for sex, like so many of the gay population out there? Damn. I almost lost myself.. until someone pulled me out of my naive fantasies..

That someone i chatted with for quite a while already. He's a nice guy, really friendly.. really sincere in being friends with me.. i can sense that. I like him (yes, i like you ^^). Think i'm falling in love with him.. man.. should i fall in love with him?

But that other guy.. he seems like a good guy.. something inside me just draws myself to him. He wants to have sex with me, i know. But what if he wanted more than that? Is there no hope for a relationship if someone wants to have sex with you first, and be friends second?

And on the far end of the other side.. is a girl. My secret crush. She's my dream girl.. i just like everything bout her. She just replied my message on Friendster. But we're just net friends, nothing more. We have never even meet each other face to face yet! 300km apart, i'm studying in university, she's working already. Worlds apart. Yet deep in my heart, i know i'm hoping.. a hopeless hope. Sigh.

I dunno. My heart is like a mess. I can't think straight. My head hurts. I don't wanna think about this. I don't wanna get hurt by a broken relationship. I don't know if i can take it..

Edit - 3.21am, 25th February 2006

Guess i've to take one step at a time..