Juz found someone who have the exact same thoughts as me. Same thoughts bout being a PLU.
I have no doubt i'm gay.. i've never felt the urge to have sex with a girl, even when i'm damn horny. Sigh. But sometimes.. i wonder if accepting myself as a gay will solve everything. Juz has this feeling that it'll juz make things worse.
For one thing.. the question of getting a boyfriend OR a girlfriend. I'm so close to giving up on finding a boyfriend anymore. PLUs are so typical. So beauty-conscious. Looks first, everything else second. Having a guy as a lover doesn't seem appealing to me anymore. When they say they want to be boyfriends, they juz wanna get in your pants. Typical. Not to say i'm any different. Sigh.
I'm beginning to wonder if getting a boyfriend is really what it's all hyped up to be. I mean, virtually every single PLU is begging to have a boyfriend.
Seriously, these days i'm wondering if getting a girlfriend would be the better choice of path. We'll be able to do what we want without worrying how others see us. We'll be able to watch movies together without getting weird stares. We'll be able to hold hands in public. To hug each other whenever, wherever we want. To love each other without guilt.
A boyfriend, on the other hand, seems more like a sex partner to me. Well, it's near impossible to find a PLU who's not thinking bout sex anyway, and that doesn't help much. I guess that's why PLUs find it harder to find their significant other.. we care bout looks too much. Almost All the 'normal' couples i've known got together because they click, not because they wanna have sex with each other everyday. Sometimes i envy them so much.. to be able to look past the exterior, to notice the beauty inside. If only i find another PLU who doesn't care bout looks. Haha.. impossible.
And which is why i'm in a dilemma whether to get a boyfriend or girlfriend. I lust for one, yet i yearn for love from another.
I wanna get a boyfriend because i can ONLY have sex with another guy. I can't live without sex .. well, i can, just that i don't want to =P. And.. i'm sexually and physically attracted to guys only. I've never find a single girl who catch my heart because of her looks before. Not once in my life. And i'll cringe if you force me to watch straight porn. I dunno why.. maybe i was raised in a very conservative family.
On the other hand, i had always, ALWAYS dreamed of having a family of my own. To fall for the girl of my dreams. To live and grow old together. To watch our children, our grandchildren grow up. To live a fairy tale. If only i wasn't gay, everything will be perfect. Sigh.
I've always tell myself to let Fate decides. If i fall for a girl, i'll go for her. If i fall for a guy, i'll go for him. Haha.. yeah i'm very indecisive =P. Then again, i wonder if it really does matter whether it's a boy or girl i end up with..
11 comments:
hehehe did u got it from me? anyway i found that girls r more open n dare to date rather than our pants. hmmm... got to go... find me a girl.... :lolz
Well.. I am one of those who is not actively looking for a bf or a lover or even a sleeping mate. Well, at least not consciously. Does that makes me loveless, i dont think so... ;)
Heh. Dont be so cynical la.
But seriously, it does matter which sex you go for. I have known of people who enjoy the emotional intimacy of girls and the physical intimacy with guys. The question is why can't you have both from a GUY, right?
Actually you can. It's just that you haven't meet enough people yet. There are gays like you who think and want the exact same things.
Also, it could be an age thing. People closer to 30 might have had enough of the fun and sex and actually want a bf, not a sex partner. Ppl who are younger tend to have a not-so-lasting relationship.
If guys do it for you, then go for it. Otherwise, won't the girl feel hurt if you're having sex with her yet thinking about another guy? ;P
Only people be sincere to themselves will find happiness. If you are so sure that falling in love with a girl is what you want and you can accept her, by all means, love her with all your heart.
In gay's world, not all people are looking for hunks and sex. This is a very wrong perception. I saw a lot of gay couples can be together, not because they are hunks, it's because of chemistry and acceptance of each other. Even in gay chatroom, I can managed to find some best friends. By the way, I got to know my bf from the chatroom as well. =P
My bf is not good looking to most people. I am not hunky to most people. But what we care most is that both of us are goodlooking and lovely for each other.
Don't let some rotten fruits spoil the whole apple tree.
There are still hopes for us if we are true to ourselves.
It's always a difficult choice to make. Unfortunately gay men have always been obsessed with youth and beauty - we have to face it, they are men after all :)
But there are a few special guys out there and you just have to look hard for them.
Paul
cibe: haha.. actually i typed this post before i read ur blog.. looks like we hv the same thoughts about this ^^
cava: i'm not actively looking for bf too.. but at some point of our lives we juz get.. desperate..
derek: haha can't help being cynical. it's juz wat i've seen so far.
bryan: happy for u and ur bf.. i'll juz wait for my one to pass by someday den..
paul: i know.. mayb i'm not looking hard enuff..
Actually, in my opinion, we should not go all out to find for lovers. I believe many gays just put too much expectations when meeting up with someone, as you can see those in the chatrooms. When expectations are not met, then it will leads to rejections, and finally ignorance.
A lot of true love develop from friendship. Many people, whether straight or gays, tend to rush into relationship, especially when they find someone attractive. If just based upon external beauty to start a relationship, probably most of them will just for short-term. Without deep understanding of each other's needs and desires, how can the relationship lasts? When people talking about ltr, will it be 3 years, 5 years, or until the end of our life? So it's quite common for gays, most of the relationship (although not all) lasts for, let say, 1-2 years or even less. For straight couples, get married and have children, then you will hear they are arranging for divorce.
Why not starts with a friendship first? Be it a straight or gay relationship. Take time to understand each other before committing for ltr. A true and longlasting relationship can never be built in one or two meetings, or in a few months, but in a continuous process of understanding and acceptance.
Well, this is purely my own opinion and probably others may have their own. :P
Regards
Bryan
Dude, just move along and be patient. There are the highs and lows in life.
And being the oddities that society norms dictate us to me, it is definitely not that easy.
Keep believing in your faith and you will sail on through.
And when the journey gets bumpy, keep your head up high and press on. Plus, you have us, the other bloggers to bitch to!
Looks like you got all the advice you need. I just want to add that you cannot stereotype people, whether gay or straight.
It is a hard decision to make. I was in your shoes, and I am still in your shoes. I guess, life is simply left on a day to day basis. Come may what be! Live life to the fullest!
It was said...
Straight guys think about sex every 28 seconds.
GAY guys think about sex every 9 seconds.
There.
But i have to agree that PLU sometimes put too much importance in looks, so much so, its stressful being gay at times, for u hv to hv the perfect figure, looks, height , body etc etc. And, sex, well, there is no need for mention about that.
But
Not all pf 'em are like that. There r some nice ones out there. Really. rare, but there.
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