What is love? Are we even supposed to define it?

I told it to others. I said it to myself. PLU nowadays want to get into a relationship fast. They don't wanna wait. They rush into things, thinking they knew what they wanted. They think love is as simple as i like you, you like me, let's be together.

And they broke up eventually. And hurt themselves.

Which is why. I tell myself not to rush. To wait and see. To wait for the right guy to come along. To see if things'll really work out between us.

Yet i find myself 'falling' for guy after guy. Out of loneliness perhaps. But i'd always pulled myself away before they got too close. Before i got too close.

To save myself from being hurt? To stay 'unattached' and be free to 'flirt around'? To see if there's any better fish out there? Or because i found out i never really loved them?

It's courage. I found out i don't have the courage to be in a relationship with them. I don't know if we love each other because we really love each other.. or just because we want somebody to love. I don't dare to jump in only to find out later whether it's love that made me jump.. or loneliness. I don't dare to find out if we loved each other enough. So i backed out.

And then i met him.

Maybe it was his cheerfulness. Maybe it was the way he chatted. Maybe it was just his super big ego =P.

I was attracted to him right from the start. I knew he's the one i waited for. Now i only have to see.

I didn't know what he felt bout me. But i wasn't expecting much. I just wanna get to know him. Be friends, hopefully.

And things led on to things. Before i realised it, we're already too close for comfort. Metaphorically. Literally.

Were we going too fast? Won't know until it's too late.
Were we really meant for each other? Won't know until we tried.
Is this.. true love?

I don't know. And i felt stupid. I told myself i knew more than those PLU who rush into relationships. Which isn't true. At all. I know nothing bout love.

But i do know one thing. He's the first one to make me have the courage to love.

And yet.

He told me he's an insecure guy. What i didn't tell him is that i'm an extremely insecure bastard. I was so afraid he'll just walk out on me suddenly. So afraid he'll find out he does not really love me after all.

And one thing he said that hurt me each time i think about it.

"Nothing lasts forever."

Call me naive, but i still believe love will last. He said forever is too long a time. But doesn't love transcends time? I don't want this love to end. I don't want to stop feeling this way. I don't want to be proven wrong.

I know i'm silly to take the risk by handing out my whole heart. The insecure me inside tells me to hold until we both know if this is true love. The courageous me inside tells me to give it all, lest i don't love enough.

How would this end? Will it even end? Is it worth the risk?

Won't know until we tried. Won't know until it's too late.

But i will still love you till the end of time.

At least, i believe i will. Because love lasts forever in my heart.

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Now listening: Liang Jing Ru - Yong Qi

终于做了这个决定
别人怎么说我不理
只要你也一样的肯定
我愿意天涯海角都随你去

我知道一切不容易
我的心一直温习说服自己
最怕你忽然说要放弃
爱真的需要勇气
来面对流言蜚语
只要你一个眼神肯定
我的爱就有意义
我们都需要勇气
去相信会在一起
人潮拥挤我能感觉你
放在我手心
你的真心

如果我的坚强任性
会不小心伤害了你
你能不能温柔提醒
我虽然心太急
更害怕错过你"

I’ve made up my mind at last
I won’t care about what the others say
Just as long as you’re as sure as I am
I’m willing to follow you no matter where you go

Love really needs courage
To face rumors and slander
Just a look of agreement in your eyes
Then there’s meaning to my love
We also need courage
To believe that we’ll be together
In the sea of people,I can feel you
Placed in my hands
Your real heart

If my willful and headstrong ways
Accidentally hurt you
Will you please remind me gently
Even though my heart is too excited
I fear to lose you more