There. I've done it. Taken a big step away from the life i'd always lived. A step that'll no doubt change who i am. A step i might never had the chance to regret.
Met up with a PLU this afternoon. It was a blind meeting, not even a date.. as we've never seen each other face to face before.. and we just meet up to 'have fun'. 2 years ago i said i was naive.. which led to sex with a stranger on a one-night-stand. Now that i'm 2 years older, it wasn't naivity that made me had sex with him. It was lust. Towards another guy.
He was different from the guy 2 years ago.. who just fucked me and threw me aside. This guy actually wanted to keep in contact. Even though both of us know why we're even in touch with each other. I'm his fuck buddy, and he's mine.
Even just a year ago i might have never thought i'd come to this state.. this life. All the while i thought i could be 'normal'.. i was wrong. I couldn't live a 'normal' life.. even if i had really tried to. I had been living a lie all this while. And it's time i stop lying to myself.
I am gay. I've completely come to terms with that now. There's no way i could love a girl more than a guy. I had been in a denial for so long.. wishing that somehow, somewhere deep inside of me is still 'normal'. Yet all i had been doing is lying to myself. I ain't 'normal'. I can't be 'normal'. The life i knew.. was just a lie.
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