During lunch today, my friend asked that girl to sit next to him to dispel the gay 'rumors' about them (well, his 'gay partner' is sitting on his other side lol). And after they chatted briefly bout something i couldn't really hear.. she turned to me and asked 'Are you gay?'. I was like, wtf? Stop asking me that question, lying is the worst thing i can do! Seriously. >.<
Again, i did not say no, but neither did i admit it. I just evade the question, like i always did. But seriously, i think if i continue to give 'vague' answers to those 'Are you gay?' questions, i have a feeling i'll be dragged out of my closet soon >.<
After a while the topic changed to 'Do Catholics condemn gays?'. My Catholic friends said the church does not condemn gays, only the sexual acts. I dunno what came over me when i said..
me: That doesn't make sense. If gays can't do it, how can they be gays in the first place?
he: Err.. being gay doesn't mean you have to do it rite?
me: Then why would a person be gay if he can't do it?
he: Err.. i wouldn't know *gave me a queer look*
me: Well, I KNOW BECAUSE I AM GAY!
All right, scrap that last line =P. I didn't say that of course lol.. i haven't lose my sanity yet. But.. how i wish they knew. How i wish i could really tell them.
Oh man.. should i tell them if they really ask me to speak the truth? They're really great friends of mine.. but i don't know whether they can handle the thought of me being gay. I mean, even i dunno if i can accept it if one of my friends tell me he's gay. O.o
ps - damn, my housemate and his junior just walked into my room as i was typing this post. The junior needed to print something using my printer. Thank god i minimise this window before they could take a look at my post... or had they caught a glimpse of it? I hope not =/ .. maybe i should lock my room's door next time.. ^^"
9 comments:
Hi there. Sorry for the late reply, and by the way, I'm a 3rd year medical student, not a doctor, yet. :)
Currently I'm attached in Obstetrics and Gynaecology and so I have to fulfil my quota of delivering at least 5 babies this year, so I can't really afford to indulge here like how I used to in other postings.
Now where was I...? Oh, coming out to your friends. Lemme relate my experience to you.
I consider myself lucky as most (I think all) of my closest friends do accept me as what I am, after I came out to them anyway.
I hate my worst time of my life when I just arrived here in Sarawak. I was stupid (fucking stupid) to actually came here because of some guy whom I thought he loves me a lot. Never mind that, it's history anyway. So, 3 months after I arrived here and thought I was blessed, I came to realize that I had been cheated, and what's worse? I'm the 3rd party in his 2 years relationship. Cool huh?
I was severely depressed that time (the only time I've lost any weights, sigh) and I had to turn to my friends and family of course for emotional support. So, eventually I told my parents bout it. Broke their hearts and made them cry, but at least they accept me as what I am, and am still treating me like a son. Prolly you may argue that I am so fucking fortunate to have such open minded parents. Well, karma I guess.
So, I told my colleagues, one by one, and some of they are either catholic or christians, and well, they just accept me as I am despite they do not agree to it. Anyway, now we're still great pals.
Shit. What am I trying to gibber here again. Oh, the message I'm trying to convey to ya is that... If someone you think is a friend doesn't accept you as what you are, he's not a friend like you think he should be. So dump him. I am really fucking lucky, I guess, and I appreciate it. Sometimes I get annoyed when they bash around with homo jokes, but still they treat me as a pal.
Don't be in a rush to jump out of your closet. Time matters. :)
*Your in IMU, right?*
whoa.. dat's the longest comment i'd ever got haha..
neway thx for sharing.. yeah i think i'll come out to my friends eventually.. juz, need some time. wait, make that lots of time ^^"
yup, i'm in IMU ;) . don't tell me u're from imu too?
No I'm not. So, don't worry.
Hi Senaboy,
No problem man as long as u love ur studies. I'd studied n research drugs n vitamins during my after spm. I luv it. I even went for interview as a lab researcher n he showed me d whole place. Can't remember y i din get it.
So im sure somewhere deep deep down inside u, loved something dat u chose now. N yes u can do it. Just put ur heart 2 it. I even went as far as Spore to get those pediatrics books as its much more cheaper there. I oso went to their national library to borrow books using my niece's card.
So its all about you wanting to go to the distance or not. U shouldnt stop there. No matter how many encouragement ppl here gave u, its entirely up 2 u to make it work. U wont regret it.
If u need frens, we r here. *wink*
hey cibetronic =D
yeah.. trying hard to survive here.. >.< .. but i'll get by, somehow
n thx.. i'm still kinda lost in this plu world..
btw you all know each other personally?
Thanks for dropping by. You should be careful with who you come out to. Some of them might do something very very very bad to you, even though you are his/her very very very close friend. Just some words of caution.
no problemo. plu is not my circle anymore. Frens is ok. At least u know ur lost. Some r still wondering. Ud find a way. Legolas said is worth remembering even though i've no such experience. No la, we dun know each other geh. But fate brought us here together kua. Feel d force in u n ud know wat plu is in 4 u. Dig deep. Gambateh dude.
I agree. Coming out can be hard, and should only be done to the most trusted of friends. Even then, you don't know how their perceptions might change. The temptation is always there, but you have to judge if the time is right.
Meet up with some gay bloggers or meet like-minded people as friends. You won't feel so left out then.
Btw, don't mind linking to me?
http://www.vunderworld.com/blog
Why some people have problems to come out from the closet? Mainly because they afraid rejection from the community. Why should be afraid if we are true to ourselves? We come to this world and make a living, do the best to ourselves and the people we love. Just ignore people who choose to despise us.
Anyhow, whether we are straight or gay, can we pleased everybody?
Please do not fear of what you are. as fear will lead to ignorance and ignorance will lead to hatred.
Cheer up, boy and be yourself.
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