I'm lost.
What does my heart really wants? Pushing him away so much, hurting him so much when all he wants is for me to trust him? He had done so much, all he could do to make me trust him again. But my heart blinds itself to all he did.
I said things that hurt him. Again.
The last time is the worst ever emotional moment i had so far. I said things to him without thinking. I was sad, disappointed, angry still. Why does that old wound just refuses to heal?
My heart is in conflict. A part of it just would never ever trust him again because of what he did to me. Another part just wanna let it go and start learning to trust him again.
I always thought.. love was simple. I love you, you love me, we live happily ever after.
I love him. He loves me. So why is my heart still riding the rollercoaster ride?
He burst into tears in my arms yesterday. I didn't even know i hurt him so much. I was angry and said things i shouldn't say. I took him for granted and didn't know he is fragile too, just like me.
But my heart was broken ever since the first day i found out what he did. Somehow, that destroyed my beautiful dreams of happily ever after. He hurt me just that once, but it proved more than enough for me.
I'm still with him. We're still together. I've promised i'll stay by his side my whole life. We've vowed to stick with each other no matter what happens for longer than forever. And that vow shall never be broken.
I just have to learn to trust him again.
And i know i will.
5 comments:
When a relationship starts to show signs of malignancy, I'd rather slice it off with a scalpel before it metastasizes. What's the point suppressing it with chemotherapy when one day it's going to go full blown?
Well, I'm always that mean.
uhmnn.. just hope that everything would be alright! well every relationship is like a roller coaster, it goes down n ups! True love never runs smooth! :)
i truly agree with u about the trust part. its the same with me and my bf, only prob is i dont think i can bring myself to trust him again. and once the trust is gone, i doubt if there's anything else to work with in a relationship. i hope u find that trust back.
rcks: it wasn't that serious i guess, but my heart tends to blow it out of proportions at times. even i dun understand why i still keep brooding over it =/
famezgay: thx dude =). yeah guess i have a lot to learn bout love..
k: thx =). it wasn't entirely his fault actually. nothing's only one side's fault. i was too naive. but i'm still willing to take the risk.. what's to gain from running away from what we really wanted?
it so uncanny how we are facing the same thing. Love + being a medical student doesn't go together.
and trust. Man, where do i begin....
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