22 years and counting

It was my 22nd birthday two days ago. Amidst a small group of friends, i celebrated turning a year older. No big parties, no going to restaurants or clubs, just 5 friends to keep me company for an hour. Might not be the best of birthdays, but the small gathering is appropriate for me i guess.

Have never been a big fan of huge birthday celebrations. All of it just end up with smaller groups of people talking to each other. If it was at a restaurant, only the people seated close to each other. If it was a big party, everyone tend to form groups with whom they're more familiar with. What's the point, to have everyone together to spend it separately. Maybe everyone wants to be there as a sign of thoughfulness and of course, be there to wish the birthday boy/girl face to face. But the thoughtfulness was misplaced, and the face-to-face encounters were not necessary.

Frankly, i'd rather have my whole birthday all to myself, spent quietly above a hill somewhere, with a breeze blowing and the sun shining brightly. Contemplate on my years here on Earth, and what i have achieved. Making a wish under the blue sky rather than over the cake. Take a quiet stroll and smell the flowers.

I need a break from this stressful and hectic world. I want to not be behind schedules, chasing datelines, checking off to-do lists. I wish for time for me myself, and not some company i work for, or a friend i owe a favor, or my future plans, or some bucks i needed.

These days, i don't feel like my time belong to myself anymore.

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Turning 22, some things have changed, yet some things remain the same. For one thing, i'm still alive and as healthy so far. I learned about what being independent really means, i learned to be a working adult, i learned to start looking at things and people around me.

On the other, i'm still as ignorant about a lot of things. I still haven't learn to really listen to what the others are saying, and what they're not. I still haven't learn to say what i mean, and mean what i say. I haven't make my mark in this world. I haven't make someone's life better. I wasn't a better friend than i was last year. I wasn't a better person than i was last year.

Even then, it's comforting to know some people love you for just being you.

And i love being me.

I have to. I'm stuck being me for many more birthdays to come. Haha.

Happy 22nd birthday to me (: